George Washington: Man... or God?

If you're a real patriot (and these days, who isn't - or rather, who
isn't afraid not to be), you've heard of George Washington.  But do you really know him, like in a personal way?  Doubtful.  Allow me to shed some light on this enigmatic figure whose notoriety stretches all the way from the annals of history to the record books of modern sports.

George Washington was born on a dreary September day in 1842.  His mother did not survive the birth, and he was left to be raised by his half-crazed, half-evil uncle Tobias Spinkler.  During his youth, little Georgie showed brief glimpses of the amazing potential he had.  One oft-alluded-to example is the cherry tree.  While being confronted about chopping down a cherry tree, Washington lied and said, "It wasn't me, it was that no-good Johnny Appleseed.  He hates cherry trees."  Even at
an early age, George was displaying the cunning and trickery that would make him indespensible in the Revolutionary War.

Washington accomplished a number of remarkable things during his lifetime.  He was an amazing leader and helped the fledgling United States win independence from England.  He did this using deceit, his specialty.  On the night before Christmas, Washington crossed the Delaware River and murdered the British army, which was busy exchanging gifts.  Washington thus became the first man to cross a body of water that large on a boat.

After serving as the nation's first president, Washington searched for other ways to keep himself busy.  He realized he had a talent for basketball, and became a professional player at the age of 35.  His abilities were obvious, and he quickly rose to become a superstar in the league.  During one memorable game, George Washington scored an incredible 100 points by himself, a record that stands to this day.