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The Laser
by Kris Saintsing
A long time ago, there was a creature who lived in the forest.
Its name was "Laser." It had gotten the name from
this strange television show that it had once seen one night
when it had snuck into town in order to scavenge for garbage
and food. The show in question was one called "American
Gladiators." The idea of the show was that there was
one group of people (both men and women, called "The
Gladiators") who fought against two regular "contestants."
The contestants, however, usually possessed some kind of athletic
prowess and they competed in all kinds of games. One such
game involved shooting a gun that shot tennis balls which
was really cool to the creature. Anyway, the creature's favorite
name for a gladiator was "Laser" and so the creature
had adopted the name in its own mind.
Now here's the deal-- the creature was
kind of ugly and kind of cool. It had huge, sharp teeth that
could slice through even razor blades! And its hands were
cool because they had tentacles in place of fingers which
the creature could, in turn, use to pick up a lot more things
than one thing at a time, that's for sure.
The creature was hairy but not so
hairy that it looked like a gnome. It was more like "really
hairy man-hairy." But that's where the comparisons to
humans stop...and the comparisons to animals begin...Its backbone
was was long and rigid like that of a dinosaur with all kinds
of rocky formations popping up out of the skin to form almost
a mountain range. It had no toes but its feet were curved
and bony like one gigantic claw or a beak from a falcon. But
the creature never really tried to hurt anyone, even though
its feet were like that of a falcon's very sharp beak.
The creature lived a relatively
mild-mannered existence. It fed on berries and things that
humans threw out. It hated waste.
Then, one day, out of the blue,
while the creature was eating some dead fish that a bear had
dropped, along came a hunter and Laser sat, stunned. He couldn't
believe it-- all this time, alone, and finally here was a
person, another being, a friend. You see, the creature could,
in fact, talk. He just hadn't in a very long time. That's
how he understood so much about "American Gladiators"
when he had first seen it.
As the hunter rounded the corner,
bright-orange camo in tow, he stopped. Laser was watching
him from up high in the trees like the Predator from the movie,
Predator. The hunter stopped. He sensed something. He sniffed
the air and looked around. Could it be? Was there really a
creature afoot (and by creature, the hunter simply meant a
deer or opossum-- he had no idea what was in store for him)?
The branch underneath Laser's "paw"
creaked and cracked and a little, green leaf fell off the
branch and drifted, drifted, drifted down onto the shoulder
of the hunter. The hunter looked down to his shoulder and
saw the leaf. Then, then, then, then, then-- he looked up.
And you know what? The creature
was amazed to find that the hunter didn't scream, didn't yell,
didn't even raise his gun. He simply said, "Hello brother,
it's been a long time." Yes, it was true-- "Laser"
and the hunter were actually brothers! Laser had simply been
in the woods so long that He had forgotten. Well, to be honest
with you, they weren't actually brothers in the classic sense.
But they were both products of the same mad scientist "father."
You see, the hunter and Laser had
both been created, "genetically engineered," if
you will, in a lab. They had grown up together, learned together,
played together and shared their hopes and dreams together.
But one day, the "father" had cast Laser out into
the wilderness for fear of being severely reprimanded by the
U.S. Genetic Engineering Commission which had gotten an anonymous
tip.
"Well," said the hunter
(whose name was actually "Gerry-559"), "are
you going to come down here so we can catch up on old times
or do I have to shoot you?"
"No," said Laser, "I
think everything's going to be alright now. You don't have
to shoot me, you only have to...care."
the end..?!?
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